you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We just shotgunned beers for America
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
