I hate your face
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize