Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize