I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
