am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
