there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
