Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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