Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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