Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
