I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
