i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Randomize
