His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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