Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
