I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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