I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
