my vag is so smooth its legendary
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
