I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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