fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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