he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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