Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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