I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
