TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize