Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
