YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize