this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
