we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i want to swaddle you in tequila
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize