id be glad to
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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