First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
