Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
