there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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