the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
