He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
