All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
