just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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