I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
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