names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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