I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
