then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
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