how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
