Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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