you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
