evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
