So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
