Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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