Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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