it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
