He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize