i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
