Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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