I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
