4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
