It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize