genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
