get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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