I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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