can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
