she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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