just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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