I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
