you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
It was confusing and full of hummus
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
