quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
