I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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