your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
