Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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